Asking “WHY” sometimes won’t help to find the answer, but “HOW” does



Do you ask yourself sometimes when contemplating on an issue, a problem, WHY is this happening, again, to me?

What’s going on with the WHY?

We are all, sometimes, in a situation like this, where we will scratch our heads and think, or say it out loud, WHY is this happening, again, to me?

We all do think about it once in a while what life will look like when certain things could be different.

This part is a crucial one because it will stop some of us in their tracks, rather giving up than to move on. For others, again, it is the fuel they do need to move ahead, no matter what.

Nevertheless, what is the reason for this, that some of us are being virtually paralyzed by a situation where others are getting more motivated?


How to ask is the Key

Well, those individuals who rather charge forward than backing off have one part different, they will suffice, it is how they ask.

The question they are asking is not “WHY” things are occurring to them.

The question they are asking is “HOW” they can shift it, enforce it, serving it.

It is totally okay though when we are getting upset, or really angry about something, or someone, to ask why?

You know, these kinds of questions:

  • Why can I get a decent job where I can work from home?
  • Why can I have just 10 minutes to myself instead someone of my family always wants something from me
  • Why can’t I achieve my goals and aspirations like anyone else does?

We are still doing this kind of questionnaire sometimes and it is okay too, as long as we can “snap” out of it again and switch the art of questioning into “HOW“.

Asking why, at first, almost makes sense. It looks like a good way to find the root cause of our question and we will find the correct solution to solve the issue.


However and unfortunately, this isn’t the truth.

When you look closer you can see that when asking constantly Why this or that keeps happening, you won’t seek the answer you actually need. It will leave you stuck, meaning, getting more and more frustrated, discouraged, giving up.

It just doesn’t change anything, doesn’t it?

Why using “HOW” instead?

Now, I like to show you an alternative, something you can try out and see for yourself how it will change the dynamic. why-how

It might get a bit used to it, at first, but with practice, you can see how things are changing around. Actually, this concept is pretty simple. 

Here are, once again, the three questions I have asked earlier starting with a Why.

Now, I begin with a How:

  • How can I find a decent job where I have the opportunity to work from home?
  • How can I manage to get 10 minutes for myself without being interrupted?
  • How can I achieve my goals and aspirations?

As you can see when reading both versions of the same questions, the dynamic of the “HOW” question is much more uplifting, much more promising that there is something we can do, where the “WHY” question is only giving us more concern.


With the use of the word “HOW” we are becoming a powerful creator, we are actually in charge of everything.

When using the word “How” we have stopped the blaming game, which really is never ever helpful at all.

With a “HOW” you are able to create a positive outcome in any situation and by doing so you are creating a life for yourself, you will love and appreciate.


Without going too deep in this article I still like to mention, that the use of words is more powerful than you might think.

Words are also weapons and I don’t have to explain to you that they can hurt. We all have experienced it in our lives.

Hurtful words can destroy a person, even lead to suicide.  In the digital day and age, we are living right now, it is even more dangerous than ever before. In the old days, we had to look the person in the eye when we were angry about something and voiced ourselves.

Nowadays, people can hide behind a fake account with a bogus picture and don’t have to be accountable for what they saying, actually texting and how they saying it.

This is a very crucial fact where everyone, more or less, feels “unhinged” to say what they want in a way they want.

In my opinion, the internet is just awakening to perceive the concept that something has to be done. Without touching the Right of Free Speach or Freedom of Expression, there still has to be rules and some regulations in how we doing it, in how we choose our words and in how we interact with each other.

We need to be accountable for how we speak. An opinion is only an opinion when we still can accept the opinion of the other person. If we don’t we have lost a major part of our humanity.

Again, instead of asking “Why” we might lose our humanity we should ask, “How” we can strengthen our humanity so we won’t lose it.

Can you feel the change of dynamic when using both words? The only thing they have in common, both words are three letters long. 🙂

I hope, this article has given you something to think about it and if you are interested you can leave me your thoughts about the “WHY” and the “HOW” below in the comment box.

Wishing you always an outstanding day 🙂Sylvia signature

Author: Sylvia M.

Sylvia M. is a certified Holistic Energy Practitioner and started to work with alternative healing modalities like Reiki and Body Talk when she was still working as a Geriatric Nurse. However, to look after her ailing husband she had to make the decision and to leave the outside workforce. She is now working from home have learned the ABC of Affiliate Marketing through the platform Wealthy Affiliate. Sylvia is determined to give every "stay home woman" the same opportunity so they can too earning money from home.

14 thoughts on “Asking “WHY” sometimes won’t help to find the answer, but “HOW” does”

  1. Your article woke up the philosopher in me (my ancestors gave birth to philosophy, thus it’ s part of m DNA) 🙂 You are right on focusing on HOW. I believe “why” has its own value, though. If there is no “why”, then there will be no “because” which will lead us to HOW. We need an action to have a reaction, don’t we? What should we do? I think we should embrace all our whys and “becauses” and then let them go, focusing on our hows. Our HOWs will show us the way. Thank you for your article Sylvia, it’s good to think beyond the actual meaning of the words every now and then. 

    1. Thanks, Elfie for your comment and your philosophical input. I too love philosophy and search for answers in many ways that way.

      I think you also have made a valuable point that we do need the “why” otherwise there would be no because to lead us to the how.

      I like this train of thoughts and you have given me something I can think about it for a while. 🙂

  2. Hi Sylvia

    The phrasing and sound of the questions from ‘Why’ to ‘How’, certainly lifted my spirits!  A simple technique but it shows that this can really work.  

    When you start asking questions like how, instead of why, you actually change your focus from the negative of wondering ‘why’ you are in this position to finding a solution to your problems. 

    Great post!


    1. Thank you, Joanne, for your comment.

      Yes, you are right it is certainly a switch from the negative of the “why” to the problem solving of the “how”. Thanks for sharing it, appreciated. 🙂

  3. Hi, Sylvia.  It seems that our first reaction, when something happens to us, is “why?”  We want to know the reason our life is being disrupted.  While knowing the reason can be helpful, the “how” of it all is more important, because if you know how the disruption got started, you can usually figure out how to correct or stop it.  If something is going wrong, does it help to know why? Or is it better to know how to fix it?  How is much better, as you said.

    I’m Grant

    1. Thank you, Grant, for your comment and input on the subject matter. 

      You certainly have a point there in what you saying, it makes a lot of sense to me.

      It doesn’t help to wallow around and asking why instead we should use our energy to see in how we can change the situation by asking how. So true 🙂

  4. Hi Sylvia, the asking of ‘how’ from ‘why’ definitely changes the dynamics and I can see that it puts someone in the driver’s seat. 

    By asking how, as you said, it gets folks to take responsibility and take action. I also believe that by asking how, it allows the creative juices to start flowing and offers one to look in a place they never looked in before.

    As for words, you are ‘deadright’ when you say that they have an immense power to hurt, or even ‘kill’ someone. I feel disheartened when I read stories of how teens have taken away their lives as a result of ‘online bullies.’

    Like you said, there should be some regulation in place.

    Thanks for an awesome read.



    1. Thank you, Roopesh for your comment and insight.

      I am glad that others too can see what I see and also do agree, in some ways, what I like to share in this article.

      I certainly do believe that it is important to raise awareness and, especially, for younger people so they, hopefully, do understand what can happen and that “cyberbullying” is actually a crime.

  5. Very true. Asking questions is good but the kind of questions is what matters. This article just touched a whole lot of things. Most times we ask ‘Why’ when we should be asking how. We see someone that’s very successful and instead of asking how it’s working for him, we ask why he’s successful and you’re not. 

    1. Thank you so much for your comment you certainly nailed it in what you saying.

      Instead of asking why he or she has this or that we need to ask instead, how did he or she achieve these things.

      It is, actually, very simple, at least in my opinion.

      Thanks for sharing your opinion.

  6. Hi Sylvia,
    Wow! That really made a lot of sense. I’m trying to think of some why questions right now that I can convert over to how. I know I’ll think of one just as soon as I finish this comment.

    This is going to be helpful to me, thank you very much. I’ll be thanking you again the next time I have a why question and I’m able to figure out the how of it.

    Wish you the best!

    1. Hi Gina,
      Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment.
      You certainly can do this to ask me next time a question in how to proceed. 🙂

      Have a nice day!

  7. I agree. Asking “how” seems a lot more positive than “why”, and it’s so important to remain positive. Also, many people want to blame others for their failures instead of asking “how” they themselves can correct the problem. It’s important to take control of our own situations and realize that the only thing stopping us from being successful is ourselves. Thanks for this positive post.

    1. Thanks, Gary for taking your time to leave a comment.
      You are certainly have spoken very wisely.
      People have the tendency to play the “blaming Game” instead of looking at themselves and what “they” can do to change the situation.

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